Your Pile of Problems

You're scared to take your attention off the problems and put it on yourself. Why? Because you're afraid you'll find out that you're the problem.

Everything is a problem if we make it one. I bet you would struggle to name one thing in this world that isn't a problem for somebody somewhere, even if it's not a problem for you. It doesn't matter whether it's a food item that somebody is allergic to (the allergy could be considered a problem), to a political viewpoint, to holidays, to cars, homes, jobs, and everything else. Everything in this world is a problem in some way to someone somewhere.

We can't fix most of the problems in our lives. Think about it for a second. If you consider your allergies a problem to you, you can't fix that. So, do you just grumble for the rest of your life because you can't eat whatever it is? Or do you just enjoy the foods you can eat?

Yes, you can fix the car assuming you can afford to fix the car. You can fix the house, also assuming you can afford to do that. If you don't have the money you now have a problem you can't solve. You may or may not be able to fix your employment situation. You may or may not be able to fix problems for other people. Chances are you have somebody around you that doesn't like something you're doing. You can't fix that problem unless you stop doing things that other people don't like.

Have you ever wondered why I don't focus on problems? I talk about the importance of your focus, the thoughts in your head, fear, perception, and your feelings but I don't really ever talk about specific problems. There's a reason for this and it's quite simple - focusing on problems keeps you focusing on problems. Problems never end.

If my content focused on nothing but problems, how would we ever get to the part where you feel better? There's always going to be a problem. It's certainly never-ending content. But when do I break away from the problems to talk about feeling better, shifting your focus, and getting control over the crazy thoughts? When do I stop focusing on problems so I can start focusing on feeling better? There is no natural break in the action here.

When you work with me I often don't pay much attention to the actual problem. I don't pay much attention to what the other person is doing because I can't fix that. I can offer you suggestions for how to manage it within yourself though. That means that I focus on you, your thinking, and what you're doing with what's happening around you.

You want to come to me and spend the session bitching about all the things that are wrong in your life and I won't go there for you. I don't play there. The problems just make you feel like crap. The quickest way to feel better is to take your attention away from the problems. So instead of focusing on problems, I focus on strategies that allow you to feel better within the life you're living, problems and all.

Anything you have control over, you don't need me for. You don't ask me to solve problems you can solve for yourself. You ask me to solve problems you don't have control over. Those problems aren't even yours. You can't do anything about them. How do I solve those problems? By showing you how to take your attention away from them.

What I do acknowledge is your feelings because we have control over those. What I do acknowledge is your thinking because we can learn to control that. Notice what I do pay attention to; the person in front me who's thoughts and feelings have them all messed up and they are looking for a way to feel better. Every strategy I have gives you an opportunity to feel better if you can take your attention away from the problems long enough to try it.

I wrote an article sometime ago as I was going through my own stuff, about problems not needing a babysitter. The problems don't need your constant attention. They don't need you to fuss over them 24 hours a day. You see the thing with problems is that when you fuss over them like that, they seem to get bigger. They feed on your attention and they make you feel like crap the entire time. Taking your attention away from the problems, actually helps keep the problems from growing. They aren't feeding on your stress energy and they aren't getting bigger because the story in your head could now be a best-selling fiction novel.

Here's some really honest truth for you. When I wrote nothing but blogs about my own problems, my own struggles, and my own journey, nobody read them. You only think you want me to focus on problems, and specifically your problems, but you actually don't. If problems were that exciting to you, you would have read my old blogs, but you didn't and now you're reading this because it's not offering you a new problem.

The focus on the problem doesn't keep you entertained. It doesn't make you want to read about it. It's not what you come looking for in my writing. So, why would I shift my focus to the problems when you work with me directly? You don't come to me for that, do you?

You're scared to take your attention off the problems and put it on yourself. Why? Because you're afraid you'll find out that you're the problem. That little story you tell yourself (it's not true, by the way) keeps you from working with me. It keeps you stuck in the problems.

You have a big pile of problems you're surrounded by. Honestly, even I have a big pile of problems that looks very much like yours. What's the difference between me and you? I've taught myself to take my attention away from problems I can't solve. I've taught myself to be okay even though there is a big pile of unsolvable problems beside me all the time. I've taught myself the value of focusing on the things that I enjoy and can control. I've taught myself how to get control over my thinking, to not be afraid of unknown outcomes, to not project myself into the future, to stay mostly present, and to keep control over my inside world. I've taught myself to do all the things that I can now offer you because I don't focus on problems.

The problem will never give you the solution. For as long as you want to focus there, that will problem will happily try to keep you entertained with stress, worry, doubt, and fear. When you get bored or tired or upset by your focus on those problems, I'll be here with solutions, not to the problems, but to your focus on those problems.

Love to all.

Della