Connect to Your Dreams, Not the Problems

Do you focus on the journey or on the problem with the journey?

Do you go through life bouncing from problem to problem or do you actually enjoy your life along the way?

It's far too easy to, and in fact we get taught to, focus on the problems. That teaching distracts us from being able to enjoy our lives regardless of the circumstances of our lives.

I can hear it from here because there is always somebody to defend the problem; for some people the circumstances of their lives require them to focus on survival. Yes. That will always be the case. So you're going to use that as the reason why you focus on problems? Somebody else that you may or may not know is struggling and you're going to use that as your reason to stay miserable? Cool. You defend the problem and I'm going to teach those who are interested, to learn to focus on something other than the problem.

For everybody that isn't living in one of the extremes of the human experience and wants to simply learn to manage the life they are living a little better, the rest of this is for you. Somebody else's struggle, no matter how profound or heart-wrenching it may be, is not a good reason for you to be miserable. It's actually a really good reason for you to get yourself out of the mud so that you can help others if you feel called to do so.

The story we tell generally goes something like this; I have to fix all the problems before I can move forward. I need a clear path to my destination or outcome. If the problems don't get resolved immediately that means they are unsolvable and that means that I cannot continue on this path. I need to have all the answers before I get started.

Where is your focus when you think like this or tell this story?

Is that story helpful? Is it encouraging and motivating to you? Does it provide you with an incentive to keep going? Does it allow you to connect emotionally and mentally with the goal, dream, or outcome you have in mind?

Probably not. It kind of makes me want to give up because I'm unlikely to have all the answers. I know for sure there are going to be problems that I don't have solutions to. If I'm unwilling to adapt so that I can find ways to connect to my dream and continue my journey anyway, then what am I doing? Why am I doing it?

The analogy I used in my podcast this week was that of dealing with problems when we're playing video games. Do you just stand there and wait for the game to sort itself out? Do you shut off the game and never play it again? Or do you go looking for solutions? Do you continue to play the game and do other things while you're waiting for a solution to show up?

Life is a journey that asks you to continue with the problems remaining around you. You have to be able to live your life while still acknowledging that there is a pile of problems in the corner that you don't necessarily have answers to. We have to learn to make that okay. Not only do we have to make it okay, we have to learn to thrive with it there. To thrive with it there, we have to shift our attention away from the pile.

Here we go defending the problem again - it's irresponsible to ignore the problems! It's more irresponsible to not heal yourself so that you can actually find solutions to the problems that you see. You render yourself powerless when you focus on the problems and decide it's irresponsible not to.

Why are you powerless? Because your power isn't in the problems. It's in your focus on continuing with your journey. The solutions show up because you keep going and you find new ways around things that weren't available to you while you were just focusing on the problems.

I'm going to take this a step further because the idea is not to simply power through. The idea is to actually enjoy the journey; problems and all. You see the struggle is optional. The problems may not be optional but the idea of struggling or fighting with them is. The struggle comes from your perception and the story you tell, not the problems themselves. The problems just exist, it's your reaction to them that creates the trouble.

When you can stop telling a story about the problems that isn't so triggering to you then you can learn to enjoy the journey. Then you can learn to relax and know that the solution will appear when it is meant to. You will run into the solution. The only question is how far away from the problem are you willing to go to get the answer?

Are you willing to walk away from the problem and go on the journey anyway?

Are you willing to just leave the problem there and see what happens?

Are you willing to take the chance that the solution shows up later?

Do you trust yourself, your life, and the adventure that you're creating enough to try it anyway?

The problems become excuses and reasons why not because they allow us to defend the fear of getting what we want. Is it possible you're actually scared of the outcome you want? The problems allow you to avoid going on the journey because now you can point to the reason why not. There's this problem over here that I can't solve it, so I'm just not going to do anything because then I don't have to deal with the fear I feel.

How many times have you told that story in your life? Be honest!

The fear comes from the unknown. Remember, the mind will fill in the blanks in your journey. So, whatever pieces are unknown the mind will fill in with pain and problems. It does that as a means of protecting you from more pain. Failure means pain, right? The mind doesn't want you to experience that so it protects you from your own goals by not allowing you to go after them until you know exactly what's going to happen and you can solve all the problems before they occur.

The mind isn't out to get you. It is truly trying to protect you from the wrong things. Your job is to recognize the strategy of your own mind by learning to manage it when it goes to fill in the unknown future with past pain. You don't have to buy into the stories. You don't have to believe what your mind tells you. You just have to be willing to pay attention to your thoughts long enough to question them. Is that story true?

Not only is your mind afraid of an unknown future but it's also afraid of what happens if you don't pay attention to the problems. We told that story earlier. It's irresponsible not to pay attention to the problems. They might do something when I'm not looking. It's my human duty to worry about things. It's my human duty to struggle with my life.

Is it? Is that what you think life is? Who taught you that? Have you ever questioned whether that's true or not?

I hate to break it to you, but the problems don't do tricks when you're not looking. The stuffed animals don't come to life when you're asleep like they do in the Toy Story movies. It doesn't work like that. You can actually turn your attention away from the problems safely. The worry is a compulsion of the mind. It's not something that's actually needed. It's a mechanism the mind has to try to deal with life. Not only is it a compulsion, but when you do it enough it actually becomes a habit. Training yourself out of worrying is a two step process. First you have to convince yourself there is nothing to worry about. Then once you fully believe that, you have to break the habit of worry that you have. The same is true with fear.

Personally, it was fear that I sat in for months on end. I was in a habit of being afraid of everything. It would paralyze me. I would sit on my couch worrying about and be afraid of everything. When I finally had logical control over my perspective and I realized that these emotions weren't necessary (they were an over-reaction), then suddenly I had to break the habit of them because I kept feeling the fear even though my perspective was clear. I was no longer offering myself the conscious thought of needing to worry, but I was still feeling the fear and worry anyway. That meant I had to break the habit of it. I broke that habit the same way you break any other habit, distraction and substitution of behaviors. Instead of sitting there being paranoid, I went and lived my life. Not only did I go live my life, I learned to enjoy my life and I stopped feeling like I needed to power through. I learned to trust that things would resolve themselves; and they did.

Not being worried and afraid allowed me to adapt to my situation. I could start to find ways around things. I knew how to manage my perspective. I didn't have to tell stories and victimize myself. I didn't have to defend the problem by arguing that everybody else does it or that it's irresponsible. I learned to put problems down and move around them until solutions came to the forefront.

To do all that, I had to have a connection or a relationship with the outcome, goal, or dream that I had. I had to make the thing that I wanted more important than the problems that were in front of me. For a while that meant just powering through. That meant just deciding to use willpower to push through so that I could get to my goals. It was sheer will that I was using because the goal was that important to me. The dream gave me the power I needed to push through when I didn't have another strategy available to me.

If I'm honest with you, that's all it takes. Use your willpower to push through when you think there are no other options. Your desire to use your willpower comes from your motivation to go after your goal. Does it mean enough to you to do that for yourself? Or does the fear override you every time? If the fear overrides you that means you're not connected enough to your goal yet. It doesn't mean enough to you if you allow the perception of problems to stop you.

Your relationship with your goal has to be more powerful than any fear or problem you may run into along the way.

One of two things will happen: the pain will get you and you'll move because you can't handle anymore or you'll finally find a goal that means enough to you that you're willing to do whatever it takes to get there. (No, that doesn't mean trampling over people or being an asshat.) It means you're willing to deal with the fear, ignore the problems for a while, and go on the journey anyway.

What are you waiting for? Your dreams are waiting for you.

Love to all.

Della